Why is this happening to me?

I am still sick.... still. Will this ever go away? Yesterday was the worst day so far.  I threw up a lot more than usual and after each time my whole body would shake and I would feel so exhausted.  Throwing up doesn't make me feel better, like it does with food poisoning or something, it makes me feel worse.  At the end of the day, I realized that I hadn't been able to keep anything down.

Because of my lack of vitamins (I can't eat vegetables or anything healthy really and vitamin supplements don't stay down) my muscles have started to cramp.  My leg muscles have spasm attacks every so often and they did again last night.  I think it is also because I'm not using my legs anymore and now they don't know how to handle it.  So anyways, a leg spasm will jerk my whole body, which upsets my stomach, which makes me nauseous, which makes me throw up, which makes me not get any vitamins, which makes my muscles go ballistic, and the cycle starts over.  It is a never ending cycle of doom.

I have a hard time sleeping at night. The pain wakes me up and then makes it hard to fall back to sleep. And so I just lay there and think.  And last night, I was thinking about the little dentist boy on youtube, and I could relate to him when he said, Why is this happening to me? Is this going to be forever? Ughh. 


But on a more positive note, deep down inside I feel really happy. Emotionally I'm doing great- better than usual I guess you could say. I feel a deep happiness that I can't really describe other than to say I feel very watched over and loved. And I'm grateful.


Here is the dentist boy video in case you haven't seen it. And hey! He's a Florida Gators fan.